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The Day Pain Lost Its Power Over Me

In July 2016, I got a call from the doctor which should have scared me silly. I was on medication that required monthly blood work. The call should have crippled me, trapping me in its power.

“We got your blood work back,” the nurse said. “Stop your medication, call your primary doctor.” She told me it might be nothing, it might really and truly be nothing. It’s probably okay, just schedule an appointment with your doctor. Her words weren’t as encouraging as she’d intended them to be, but I wasn’t phased. “Your platelet count is down,” she told me, which wasn’t helpful since I didn’t know anything about platelets.

After a conversation like that, it would make sense for me to be scared. But I wasn’t.

Who has the power?

When the nurse called me, I had just finished slowly and thoughtfully reading 1st and 2nd Peter. For some reason, that summer day, I’d decided to sit down and read them both. And just as I finished, my phone rang. When the call was over, I was somehow still calm.

I was so satiated in God’s word the news didn’t bother me. I was too focused on who God is, and how powerful he is.

It’s like the wind and the waves of the world were after me, but I didn’t care because I was resting in God’s power.

Not his power to heal me– that’s not what I was counting on. I was calm believing that no matter what sickness came my way, God would never leave me.

It’s like the story of Peter walking on water.

 “And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.”He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” “

Peter was fine and even walking on the water, until he saw the wind. When he saw the wind, he was afraid, and he began to sink.

Then, I began to sink

Those first days after the phone call, I was fine. I had my eyes focused on God, and I was not afraid.

But as the days dragged on between the call and the appointment with my doctor, I began to ‘see the wind’. What are platelets, anyway? What does it mean that they’re low? How many ways is that going to change my life? Am I doing something that’s making it worse?

When I started focusing on the problem instead of on God, my faith wavered. 

Our thoughts are important. When I was thinking about God’s love, power, and faithfulness, I was calm. But when I thought about all the bad things that ‘low platelets’ could mean, I was afraid.

In between

A year later, and there are still a lot of questions. We don’t know what caused my platelets to drop. We don’t know how to make the numbers rise.

There are lots of things we don’t know. But there are many things we do know. At this point, it’s still not dangerous, and it doesn’t change my life at all.

Here between the diagnosis and the healing, God is the same. God is good. God is near me. No matter what problems and obstacles have come, God’s not going anywhere.

And I’ve already seen God use it for good, because I trust him a lot more. Things happen in life. Bad things happen, and there doesn’t seem to be a reason. But pain holds less power over me now because I’m trusting God like never before. Because God is powerful, and God is good, and God is near.

 

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